Speak no English, use no computer

Election season is no doubt the most entertaining period in a nation’s history. And savvy media in these times has taken the tamasha to another level. Your mind sees a rush of emotions – helpless laughter, cynicism, sarcasm, anger, sadness. Usually anger triumphs over other emotions at some point, courtesy some idiotic politician.

This time round, I would like to bestow the honour on Mulayam Singh Yadav, and the Samajwadi Party’s manifesto. I cant call it shocking; perhaps it is a tad annoying. But mostly, it angers you, and makes you want to pull your hair. Really, Mr. Yadav? No English in Hindi Des? No use of computers?

Let’s start by planning your itinerary ji. Wait, you possibly aren’t involved, in this busy election period. May be your PA would know better? Hang on, he needs a print out, to walk you through it. Aha! Alas, it comes from a computer no?

Let’s move on to those many flights and trains (really?) you take. No ticket reservations ji? I think I remember you saying on TV that you think computers should not be used where work can be done manually. Why not? Shall we wait 7 days for your ticket to arrive to transport you to the next city for a rally ji? Oh hell, did I just forget you don’t need a ticket anywhere?

I struggle to think of ways you use a computer in UP ji. And then it strikes me – you cant possibly know what role technology plays, given you spend all your time in UP (except Nithari of course) ji?

May be then, your sons could provide perspective. They’re my generation, it seems – I am all for the youth ji!

Apologies, but I am a big computer junkie. So I googled this – “Mulayam Singh Yadav son educated” and guess what I found sir. (Do ask your son to explain google to you ji – it may well be part of your slogan in the next elections - Bole har search google, Mahan SP ka cycle!)

Anyways, not to digress – this is what I found ji – your own son is considered one of the best users of IT, to reach a wider audience (now now, Akhilesh is a little pesumptious). Not only that, he is educated in English medium, is an Engineer (in keeping with popular English speaking elitist choice of this generation) and even did a higher degree from Sydney. No, before you think otherwise – you may not understand their accents, but they speak English too ji.

http://www.expressindia.com/latest-news/mulayams-son-eyes-net-gain/444950/
Hailing from Etawah-one of the most backward towns of UP-35-year-old Akhilesh is perhaps the only politician of Gen X, at least in the state, who is making full use of information technology to gain political mileage. And why not? With a diploma in Environment Engineering from University of Sydney, Australia, Akhilesh has done his BTech from University of Mysore, Karnataka
His close associate Anurag Yadav confirms: “Bhaiya motivates all youth members of Yuvjan Sabha and Chhatra Sabha to use the Internet to stay connected. Most of them have started using the net”. The site is professionally managed and a team of IT experts tag along with Akhilesh, who is always equipped with his laptop wherever he goes.

May be you should hire some talented IT bhaiyas ji, too get all this off the websites, before someone more powerful finds them? I assure you, many good English speaking institutes outside of UP provide such talent ji.

Is it time to move onto your better half in the SP, Amar Singhji? I haven’t sent that man on TV without a fancy gadget ji. Unfortunately, I don’t have the connections to observe him in person. May be he and his friends can set a sweet example in your honour ji? They can collect at Shivaji Park, and burn all the laptops in their large houses in a symbolic gesture? After all, this is one business none of them is really into yet ji.

Should we really move onto the Angrezi bit ji? Unfortunately, the irony does not escape me – I will have to continue in English. I can speak Hindi, but can’t type in Hindi on the computer ji. Double whammy no?

No English should be spoken in Hindi des. It is hard to tackle this one without being branded elitist ji. I must confess – I started in a convent, and went onto graduate class 10 from one of the best English speaking schools in my city. Tough one. But then ji, I knew I could trust my computer. All I did was google this – Spoken English in Uttar Pradesh and I am so spoilt for choice ji – it is more confusing than amusing!

Everyone around you, except you of course seems to be focused on speaking English. And of course yours being a high density population state, is hard to ignore for the English speaking – opportunity smelling corporate variety. After all, the non-elitist average UPite seems quite gung-ho about speaking English. And there are so many of them!

I can safely and proudly bullshit the elitist argument this one time ji. Leave my blog ranting aside, someone has actually bothered to research this – a few minutes on this may open your eyes? Don’t worry, we wont tell anyone your PA shot a print-out from the computer.
http://www.hku.hk/clear/conference08/doc/handouts/VERMA%20Meenakshi%20H_handout.pdf

And finally, haha … this is really the proverbial nail ji. May be you said no computers, because this is the age of Blackberrys ji?

On Facebook, he has over 300 regular members and on Orkut there are over 1,000. “This is the best was to communicate with friends and well wishers,” says Akhilesh, who mostly does his net communication through Blackberry while travelling.